All French women wear berets and hang at the Eiffel Tower

In my modest dating experience with girls from around the world, I’ve come to the conclusion that the French are the worst lovers in the world.

And from talking with friends, it seems like it’s a similar experience, the French person they’ve slept with have been their worst. But I don’t think that they’re especially bad. Rather, the expectations are way too high.

They – as a people – have no way to live up to this. There are so many great French romance films, plays and poems. Their cities are undeniably perfect in every way a city can be. They’re cultured, they can cook, they’re smart, they’re liberal and progressive and the assumption is that because of all of this, they will be great at sex. No one can live up to that demand.

Imagine the pressure that would be on you if word was out that you were incredible at sex. If that rumor was out – and you didn’t know you had a reputation to uphold – you’d have to go above and beyond every single time. And to be quite honest with you, that sounds like a lot of work.

So let’s give the French a break. Let’s start the rumor now that the French are bad in bed. They’re unskilled in bed and there’s no word for romance. Only then do they have a prayer at satisfying – in every possible way – our American demands.

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