Max Lance Typing

Why do Runners Get Assaulted? Shouldn't They Be Running, How Fit Are Rapists?

Do what you can to get out of NY apartment

Do what you can to get out of NY apartment

This one will probably annoy a lot of people, but those are the ones that tend to get all the traffic, so let’s go for it. Why is that joggers always get raped, mugged and sexually assaulted? Shouldn’t they be jogging? I mean, how in-shape are these rapists?

This makes no sense to me. They’re already jogging. How important can the jogging routine possibly be that you’ll refuse to run any faster when you see a guy with a knife? Does the willingness to get assaulted outweigh the conditioning that’s dependent on a consistent heart rate from steady pacing?

This is why you always hear about joggers getting assaulted. You never read a news article about a runner being attacked. Or a sprinter. They’re good. They’re really running. Very few rapists target the marathon. No stamina.

And how are all these rapists getting in such tip-top shape to catch up with these joggers? Is this an LA Fitness class that I haven’t heard about? “Are you hear for Abs Express?” “Nah, where’s rape cross-training?”

Although now that I think about it, rapists should be the motivation for people to start running. How about a campaign to solve obesity and overcrowded prisons at the same time? We release the rapists – we’ll keep collars on them so they know where they are and when they’ve gone too far – and they stalk lazy folk. This gets people jogging, and more importantly, gets them jogging fast.

No more assaults on joggers because they’ll all be better runners.

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