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Why Do Cats Love Fish So Much If They Hate Water?

Why is it that cats go insane at the scent of tuna? Any fish-like scent will make a cat climb a vertical wall to get their paws on it, yet getting anywhere close to water scares the hell out of them. Why does this paradox go so unexplored?
How did they evolve the taste for fish when cats don’t go in the water? Do they fish? I can’t imagine that they stood by the banks of a particularly fishy river and dabbed their paws inside at just the right time so as to grab some trout. By the same token, I have yet to see a cat don scuba gear and dive into a reef off Catalina.

Do they make scuba gear small enough for a cat to fish? Can they wear midget or child-size outfits, and if so, how do they wrap their little paws around the spear? Or do they hold a fishing net in their teeth while hoping some gullies will swim by?

I just want to find the evolutionary link between enjoying fish so much and also being deathly afraid of water. How did this happen? Is it still engrained from when they were in the water back when humans and cats had a common ancestor? If this is so, why did cats choose to evolve to be cats? Humans can talk. If they had evolved this way, then they would simply be able to say, “I’d like some fish please.” I assume that my cat-like human growth evolutionary creature will still have some manners.

Maybe they just have those tiny little noses so they can only pick up the scent of foods that are strong enough to have girls not make out with you for a few months. Anchovies, sardines, halibut. The kind of stuff that makes a girl give you a stick of gum after eating it, those are the only foods strong enough for a cat’s tiny little snout to pick up.

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The most likely scenario is that the fish have been taunting cats for years. I can see no other connection to cats hating water and loving fish other than the fish knowing that cats can’t swim, and therefore mercilessly flip insults from the safe haven of their lakes and steams. This is probably part of the reason cats hate water, too. It is associated with the belittling remarks of little flippers, gullies and trouts scurrying along the surface while yelling, “Fuck you,” “big ears” and “pussy.” The last one was obvious, but you shouldn’t be picky since they are fish after all.

I think the winner in the war is obvious as fish have been farmed nearly to the point of extinction while cats are beloved around the [Western] world. Yes, cats are eaten in some Asian, Polynesian, Middle Eastern and African nations, but everyone eats fish. They aren’t even safe in the water at this point, let alone getting close enough to actually taunt the fish, which is all that they live for.

The moral of this is that if you are a delicious swimming bit of protein, don’t be bitter about it by making fun of kittens who can’t swim after you. Yes, it is amusing and fun, for sure, but when you end up in the can when it’s all said and done, it’d be nice to enjoy my fish unmolested by Whiskers for once.

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