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We Can’t Let The Crisis in Japan Detract From The Uprisings in Charlie Sheen

Typical American news junkie, latching onto the news of the day, the crisis of the week, the humanitarian effort of the month. One world-changing event after another makes us immediately forget the previous crisis that is still ongoing. This is why we must not allow the Japanese earthquake, tsunami and nuclear emergency make us forget about Charlie Sheen.

He is still saying crazy shit and winning with tiger blood every day. Yet we have become so focused on donating humanitarian aid to the Red Cross and Doctors Without Borders that we’re dropping our obligations to blogging about Charlie Sheen’s Twitter feed. How much nuclear fallout is it going to take for us to completely forget that a TV star is living with porn stars?

The striking fact is that there is absolutely nothing else going on in the world except for the recovery efforts in Japan and Charlie Sheen being crazy. Yet the amount of attention that we now give to Sheen is far less than its market share. Quick, without googling it: how many tickets have been sold for Charlie Sheen’s tour?

Exactly. If we really cared about more than one issue in the world, then you would have that answer off the top of your head. What are you doing instead? Buying iodine tablets? Purchasing gas masks? Stockpiling canned food and water? You should be stockpiling winning just as much.

I am not saying that you should ignore Japan. The Japanese deserve our help, donations and prayers in this time of need. This doesn’t mean that we can just write-off news stories that held prominence just a week earlier. To act like Charlie Sheen doesn’t deserve equal attention is like saying you never cared about him in the first place.

Chaim Levine. Greedy CBS bastards. My favorite twins. Divorce agreements. Winning. Tiger blood. The Warlock? Does any of this ring a bell? Well, guess what? It’s still an issue in the world, one which we are completely ignoring for a little bit of nuclear radiation fallout.

I have got another nuclear meltdown to tell you about. It’s a little failed power plant on the island of the twins that I like to call Charlie Sheen. You used to care about his batshit crazy antics not very long ago, but all of a sudden you have seemed to put priorities on your news stories. It is time to be consistent about your donations, efforts and donations. Let’s start caring about what matters. It isn’t just Japan. It is the man who will single handedly save Japan. It is Charlie Sheen.

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