Max Lance Typing

USC’s Kappa Sig Fraternity Is Doing Serious Damage To BYU’s Honor Code

First was the infamous e-mail circulated by Kappa Sig members detailing sorority girls they’ve slept with. Then there was this week’s new definition of public display of affection – sex on a campus building roof in broad daylight. USC has recently taken part in a massive overhaul of BYU’s honor code.

This isn’t to begin mentioning the probably use of caffeine and absence of regular church services. Simply put, if a single USC student were to spend a semester studying in an adjunct program at BYU, the student would sustain the new school’s honor code for approximately twenty-five minutes.

The following is a quick rundown of the BYU honor code along with its violation by recent recreational activities partaken by an average USC student:

  • Be honest – Told girl after rooftop sex that he’d call her
  • Live a chaste and virtuous life – Cataloged sexual conquests on Google Docs
  • Obey the law and all campus policies – Started race riot near “Fraternity Row”
  • Use clean language – Swore at a teacher for a B-minus in a G.E. class
  • Abstain from alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee, and substance abuse – Downed some Four Loco to make it to a 9 A.M. final
  • Participate regularly in church services – Overslept
  • Observe the Dress and Grooming Standards – Attended “Nip Slip Party”
  • Encourage others in their commitment to comply with the Honor Code – CC’d the Los Angeles Times on the target slutty girls e-mail

Abstain from caffeine? Are you kidding? Caffeine is the lifeblood of future Los Angelinos and is synonymous with USC just as much as sex on a rooftop in the middle of the day. And has anyone considered that maybe neither member of the couple was able to use their respective rooms? What if the guy had a roommate studying for a midterm and the girl’s roommate had an essay to write, where were they supposed to go?

Let’s look at it this way: What’s the point of going to Church and asking for forgiveness if you’re not going to sin a little? That’s like keeping your apartment prestinely clean and then calling the cleaning lady. Students should be encouraged to swear or drink from time, or in the case of USC, create a spreadsheet of the most bangable sorority girls in time for next month’s social.

We can look at USC’s respectful take on BYU’s honor code with their multimedia presentation. We can read about the skills in bed of a recent conquest, watch video of a couple on the education building’s roof and even add our own notes to the shared spreadsheet. It cuts down time and research, creating what is truly an open source code to the entire female population’s sex skills at the University of Southern California.

What does BYU have? Rules to respect themselves, the law and those around them? That’s fine and all, but if you are going straight from college into marriage, you want to know what you’re getting into. At least USC is offering a bit of a primer and you can have some coffee if you have to stay up late to write said primer with chapter-by-chapter detail of every one of your potential future mates.

The point is that everyone’s college experience is different. Whether you live a chaste life devoid of caffeine and alcohol or you bang a cheerleader while wearing the Tommy Trojan mascot outfit on a rooftop in public, we are all getting a valuable learning experience. It goes to show the importance of college and the range of personalities and values of our educated elite.

Leave reply

Login to post a comment.

Back to Top