Max Lance Typing

The Kyrgyzstan Revolt Is What Happens When Citizens Are Denied Vowels

The explosion in tensions in Kyrgyzstan this week showed how susceptible governments are if they oppress citizens and command a weak police presence. We have all learned that you can’t keep citizens from the vowels they deserve.

I’m not exactly sure where Kyrgyzstan is located. I tried searching for it on Google Maps, but instead I got an error message with a whole bunch of question marks. A regular search on Google asked me if I meant Kansas, and when I clicked on that I found that the state of Kansas is undergoing relative peace, thanks to sufficient vowels.

It is finally time that the governments of countries like Kyrgyzstan realized that their citizens won’t stand for this opporession under consonants. The citizens have united under their leaders, Rtnzkkz Jnklxfrt and Gnlwsqqqqq Brfvtlkn;ppt, to force the government to cave in.

The oppressive regime of Euaiu Aouiie has been accused of hording all the vowels for himself and going to great lengths to ensuring that United Nations shipments of vowels funnel back to the government. He has been accused of puppeteering children stricken with names like Hvrfgl and Lmpbrsc to appear as though they are refugees. Once they receive U.N. aid, agents of the government soon appear to take the As, Is, Os and Us for the government.

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Have we really forgotten the important shipment of the letter “I” that saved Tajikstan from what was almost certain to become a civil war? There still remains a prominant statue of the letter A, which the young nation of Kazakhstan needed to earn its independance.

We all need to look within our own names and households and see what we can donate to the Kyrgn people. Perhaps if we could name our children Stacy instead of Staci, Tracy instead of Traci, would could donate those extra “I”s where they are more needed. Yes, this is a huge sacrifice, but why should we have letters that are always vowels, instead of some of the time, when some countries don’t have any?

We have pulled together in the past, and now find ourselves rich with a surplus. The Dutch seem to have horded all the vowels, currently in hiding in Haarlem and Amersfoort, but if we don’t stand up to our friends, where does that leave us in the world?

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