Posts Tagged ‘war’

Americans Saying America is The Best Country is The Same As Loud, Fat Sports Fans Saying Their Home Team is The Best

Many people are quick to label America the best country in the world, and there was something about this grand proclamation that struck a cord that I finally placed. It is exactly when loser fans of high-spending winning teams say that their team is the best in the world, yet the fans themselves have never done anything in their lives but cheer on real winners.

America might be the Yankees, Celtics and Steelers, but Americans are the fans of the Yankees, Celtics and Steelers. A bunch of loud and overweight chest-thumping losers who failed to live up to the potential of top players on the field. Instead, we question the decisions of leaders and pick fights with rivals.

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Do Somali Pirates Appreciate Pirate Jokes?

This post might be a little tricky to pull off due to only a nascent understanding of puns in the native Somali language, but I wonder if Somalia has some version of their own pirate jokes to regale their future raiders and crusaders like we have here. The first question has to be whether the [...]

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Have North And South Korea Finally Worked Out Their Contract Disputes For The Korean War Sequel?

It’s a shame that soaring salaries and egos have detracted countries from producing wars the way they used to. You could make the argument that studios are so invested in “tentpole” wars that carry on for decades and don’t have discernible starts or finishes, simply for the sake of franchising their wars, that we’ll never [...]

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The Kyrgyzstan Revolt Is What Happens When Citizens Are Denied Vowels

The explosion in tensions in Kyrgyzstan this week showed how susceptible governments are if they oppress citizens and command a weak police presence. We have all learned that you can’t keep citizens from the vowels they deserve. I’m not exactly sure where Kyrgyzstan is located. I tried searching for it on Google Maps, but instead [...]

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I Lose Fights With My Girlfriend For The Same Reason Unprepared Armies Lose Wars in New Terrain

Most military setbacks throughout history are caused by the favored Army being more prepared for the previous war than the one they are currently losing. We have become fully adapted for the terrain and tactics of one enemy, then enter a new landscape and demands and we are caught off guard. This is exactly how [...]

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There Are Too Many 3rd World Issues To Pretend to Care About

Something happened in Honduras today. I don’t know what happened, but I know it involves a country with poor people facing some sort of poor country strife, like a typhoon or an evil dictator, and I know I’m supposed to care. But I’ve been overloaded with too many third-world countries to pretend to care about [...]

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Africa is the Clippers of Continents

More aid is being sent to Africa, more U2 songs are being written and more kids are being whisked away by Pitt-Jolie Ltd., yet the continent still can’t get on stable footing. It’s made me wonder if Africa – the entire Continent – is the Los Angeles Clippers of land masses. Year after year, Africa [...]

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Location Reporter

Everything going on with the election results in Zimbabwe makes me wonder about the picking process for location reporters at larger newspapers. Think that’s a tense meeting in the Editors’ room of the New York Times, when they have to decide who to send to Zimbabwe versus other world crisis? “We’re gonna need someone to [...]

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Iraq Timetable

I find it ironic that the people who are most adamant about a timetable for Iraq seem to be the most lazy about a timetable for their own personal lives. It’s always something like, “We want a 14.2% incremental troop reduction exponentially imposed beginning on April 3rd at 4:15 P.M….And maybe I’ll get lunch in [...]

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