Everyone knows that sex in the shower is overrated as it is. Someone is always freezing, there’s too many soapy chemicals around that don’t have that Johnson & Johnson no-tears promise (unrelated to the sex), you can always slip and get into some Final Destination-type hilarity injury. But to compound that is if you make the awful decision to go down on the girl while you’re in the shower.
I don’t know if it’s the cascade of the water, the angle, the position of your face or head, but if you get the wrong volume of water flowing in the wrong direction, then I think that is how you can waterboard yourself in the shower.
You feel like you’re drowning, water is pouring over your face, there’s a light covering over your nose so you’re not sure if you can breathe, but you can’t leave because that makes you seem unmanly. It constantly feels like you’re drowning and you don’t have any say in the matter, basically you are being waterboarded.
So then the real question then becomes Is there a way that women can use this as a form of torture to gain information?
Guys are already doing this so that we can get something in return in the first place, so how can girls leverage this more to the advantage of the American people? The solution would appear to be that we send in American girls to remote areas of Pakistan to rope potential terrorists into long-term relationships.
They get a little closer, the sex gets a little wilder, and within a few weeks, we’ve got the Taliban right where we want him. And the genius of this plan is that it wouldn’t be torture at all because he’s waterboarding himself by choice.
The Taliban would think that they’re going to get something in return later, so they go down on the girl and, in effect, waterboard themselves. Then they realize that it would be unchivalrous to expect reciprocation, so they’re now in this quandary where they are being water boarded and they’re going to have to do more for the girl in order to get something in return. And through this torture, that’s when our spies could ask where their friends hang out when he says that he’s “Just going for a beer.” The terrorist, thinking that she’s building up trust so that she can justify a blow job later, then reveals the location of the terrorist training camp.
And that’s how you win the war on terror and Afghan body odor at the same time.