Max Lance

I Hate When The Weather Girl’s Giant Tits Block The Weekend Lows

Get your tits out of the dew point's way

I know it sounds obnoxious to complain about the weather report in Los Angeles, mostly because you really need to go out of your way to find a weather report. If you’re going to start an argument involving local jet streams in L.A., then you’re really doing it just to be a dick.

But there are a solid three weeks every year when you need to know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I know it infuriates people on the east coast to here southlanders complain when it dips below sixty degrees, but this is why North Face exists.

The local news stations know that you’re not going to watch the weather report, so the only way they can get you to stick around is by having a gorgeous model who is a half-rung above porn star tell you that it’s going to be seventy degrees and sunny tomorrow. You need to be a D-cup minimum if you want to be a weather girl in Los Angeles because that’s the only way they’re going to get their ratings up.

But the problem is that these girls’ giant tits frequently block the weekend lows. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem because you know that it’s going to be eighty during the day and sixty at night with four clouds, but when it matters, it’s a huge inconvenience.

There are some nights where you need to know if you’re going to be freezing or stuck in the rain, and you turn on the weather just to see a Victoria’s Secret Wonderbra getting in the way of the five-day accuweather forecast while Yolanda Ramirez chuckles at the sports guy’s way-too-heavy come-ons.

I would be totally fine with this except for when the weather is bad. Can’t LA local news stations make this investment on a serious Jewish guy to come in and break it down for you for two weeks a year? You can have Yolanda in there 95% of the time, but when I need to see what the dew point is going to be, I want Benjamin Goldfarb in there explaining barometric pressure to me.

If these local affiliates are committed to the L.A. area, they’ll save the weather girl’s tits for another rainy day.


One comment

  1. February 12, 2010 at 3:00 am

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    This post was mentioned on Reddit by vanblah: It’s raining men! (obscure?)…

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