Max Lance Typing

Do You Think The Pairs Figure Skaters Plan Their Routine Beforehand or Just Wing It?

"Quick, do the leg raising thing, yeah right leg...now."

I was watching those figure skaters during the Olympics and it really made me wonder whether the pairs figure skaters go out there knowing what they’re going to do, or if one starts doing something and then the other one’s like, “OK, sure, let’s give that a try.”

I was also wondering how to milk this one joke for an entire post, but do you think while they’re skating out from the side to the center of the ice they’re whispering to each other, “Let’s do the flip,” and the other’s like, “I don’t want to do the flip!” So the first one is like, “I’m throwing you whether you like it or not,” so the girl’s like, “You can throw me but I’m not flipping.” And then they do the whole thing with smiles on their faces. It’s unbelievable.

Or do you think they make up the whole thing as they go along? And if so, why don’t I see them talking to each other while they’re dancing? This would put the Olympic pairs figure skaters on par with the World Wrestling Federation in that it’s perfectly choreographed while they both have no idea what’s coming next.

Now the only thing we would need is for the Russian judge to get knocked out with a steel chair, thus allowing Arn Anderson to “guest ref” and give the Slovakian skaters a 7.0, I know, 7.0! While the fans of the Czech team cry foul. It’s a good thing that the highest and lowest scores get eliminated in case this were to occur.

And more importantly, do you think they shop for clothes together or do they just show up and hope they’re matching? I’m voting for the ladder because the dudes are trying anything at this point. If they knew in advance how to dress, maybe they would go for a tuxedo or a hockey uniform. But I think they stopped by American Apparel and spotted a white sequin vest and were like, “She’ll definitely like that. It’s gotta match.” And then they show up and she’s like, “Not again,” but not only is there no time, but every team is bailed out by every other team’s fashion mistakes.

The point is that maybe if these dancers planned a little more in advance, the USA could win more medals. Maybe that’s not the point, but I’m yelling “U.S.A.!, U.S.A.!” all week either way.


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