It’s easy to knock any book that becomes one of the most popular in the country because America doesn’t read. Since we would rather do anything but pick up a book, this would mean that any book that appeals to millions of people must be catering to retarded people. So for the same reason I [...]
Archive for the ‘entertainment’ Category
Why Did They Translate The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo But Forget to Translate All The Swedish Names and Places?
August 17th, 2010
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Is Ronaldo’s Bastard Son Eligible For the U.S. National Team?
July 9th, 2010
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With the exciting news that Cristiano Ronaldo knocked up an American hottie (one of our best exports) and is now trying to play it off as a cover-up/surrogate situation, the United States national team might have finally turned a corner in international soccer. This is the break that Sunil Gulati and Bob Bradley have needed [...]
How Have Serbians Preserved An Entire Ethnicity of People Who All Look Drunk?
June 17th, 2010
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Serbia seems to have produced an entire nation of citizens who all look like they are drunk
Have North And South Korea Finally Worked Out Their Contract Disputes For The Korean War Sequel?
May 28th, 2010
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It’s a shame that soaring salaries and egos have detracted countries from producing wars the way they used to. You could make the argument that studios are so invested in “tentpole” wars that carry on for decades and don’t have discernible starts or finishes, simply for the sake of franchising their wars, that we’ll never [...]
Los Angeles Outdoor Movies 2010
May 24th, 2010
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Despite the fact that Los Angeles doesn’t have anything by way of seasons, it appears that there are three or four months where it only drops ten degrees at night instead of the usual forty. During these months, which northerners call “Summer,” you can find some outdoor movies around Los Angeles. Here are the 2010 [...]
I Was Improperly Prepared For Bankruptcy By Wheel of Fortune
April 30th, 2010
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Through a combination of the global financial crisis and thinking that Lehman Brothers was a great place to invest because he thought it was Brooks Brothers, my dad is declaring bankruptcy. For starters, this changes the entire “My dad can beat up your dad” school-yard argument into the proud declaration that no one who can [...]
Can We Make The “Marty Jannetty” A Common Expression?
April 27th, 2010
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As an aspiring writer and stand-up, I constantly have to wonder how useless I truly am. I can go on the full scale of all human beings, on which scale I look pretty good. Most people have crappy day jobs, barely get by and loaf on their ass, in which case, I’m sort of interesting. [...]
The Pacific Miniseries Harkens Back to the Good Old Days of Racism
April 15th, 2010
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When our country is currently shackled by two wars being fought against a shadowy enemy, it’s nice to have a miniseries that takes us back to the classic days of being allowed to be obligatorily racist against specific groups of people. The Pacific, HBO’s ten-part miniseries about the Japanese theater of World War Two, harkens [...]
CBS Should Advertise Tiger Woods’ Masters Return Like a Maury Povich Episode
April 8th, 2010
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Throughout the NCAA tournament, I have been barraged by the same advertisements to the point where I can rip my shirt off to reveal Bags Fly Free better than the Southwest guys. The ads that infuriate me the most, however, are the teasers for the Masters on CBS. They are frustrating not because of their [...]
9 Insane Robberies That Actually Worked
March 24th, 2010
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9. Boston Museum Boston, Massachusetts, March 18, 1990, $300 Million worth of paintings One of the largest art thefts in history, two more “police officers” knocked on a security entrance side door and quickly tied up the two guards on duty. The thieves stole three Rembrants and a Vermeer along with eight other paintings, all [...]
