Max Lance Typing

Being Pregnant is Like Growing a Beard

It wouldn't look weird with a normal hat on.

It wouldn't look weird with a normal hat on.

I think most guys have gone through the bad facial hair choice phase of their lives. Out of curiosity for how it looks, we, at one point, grew a beard or goatee or moustache or mutton chops.

We do it because we can. It’s something our bodies can do, and we want to try it out. If I were a chick, I would totally do this with pregnancy.

That’s crazy, you have a little person inside you. I would totally try that out if I could do it. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to have a baby, so I would get it aborted. But I’d still do a solid seven- or eight-month pregnancy to just to try it out.

It’s not like I want to have a kid, nor do I know what to do with it. I don’t really like dogs and every plant I’ve ever had has died, but if you’re pregnant, it’s like you have an excuse to be a dick.

Preggers women can be as moody as possible and blame it on hormones. It’s exactly what Joaquin Phoenix has done by growing a beard. Same thing.

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