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At Least The U.S. Postal Service Didn’t Release Stamps With Those Street Corner Statue Of Liberty Salespeople

Last week the United States Postal Service announced they mistakenly put the wrong Statue of Liberty on their stamps. Intending to issue a new series of Forever stamps with Lady Liberty, they accidentally took a photo from the archive of the Statue of Liberty at the New York, New York Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas.

Some would argue that this is the true iconography of America: fat, loud, overweight tourists easily duped by marketing claims to blow their paychecks on blackjack tables. It is a hell of a lot easier to see the Statue of Liberty in Vegas than New York City. Cheaper to stay, plenty of places to grab unlimited buffets, plus Paris is right down the block. Do you think any Americans are actually going to Paris? Americans are way too racist for any kind of cultural experience.

The only thing I don’t understand is why didn’t they go full-circle with the Lady Liberty mishap? If you are going to put the wrong Statue of Liberty on your stamps, why don’t you at least put the street corner salespeople who hawk auto insurance, mortgage scams and tax preparation?

After all, isn’t this the true face of American liberty? Illegal immigrants working for less than minimum wage by dancing at street corners dressed in cheap Statue of Liberty costumes. They are highly skilled in that they know how to toss their poster up in the air and catch it while spinning around with headphones blasting their Sony Walkman tape deck.

Can you dance like that? Can you spin a sign for check cashing like that? Do you own a walkman? You know who does? The Statue of Liberty at the corner of Pico and Vermont.

These Statues of Liberty sales people risk their lives for America much more than people traditionally associated with Lady Liberty. Sure we have soldiers fighting overseas in the name of liberty and freedom. But that is more of an export than a protection, despite the guises under which those offenses were launched. The Statue of Liberty tax preparation street vendors are not only braving vicious UV rays in the name of freedom, but those suits must also be highly flammable.

Do you know any kind of material that is that green and glittery and doesn’t go up in flames if a cigarette gets within three feet? We can be like those crazy middle eastern protesters who light themselves on fire to protest. An entire army of Statues of Liberties alight in glorious flames in a wonderful analogy for their burning passion for America and affordable health care out of a truck.

Good job, United States Postal Service. Whether our Lady Liberty overlooks New York Bay, fat drunk college guys at the New York, New York Hotel and Casino or Central American immigrants donning the crown and torch in the name of tax preparation, cheap mortgages and health insurance, here is to liberty. And here’s to America.

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