Max Lance Typing

All Relationships Are Doomed Because We Watched Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog as Kids

A blueprint for divorce

A blueprint for divorce

I think that the sole cause for the high divorce rate lies squarely on Jim Henson. Most kids watched the Muppets as children, and I think that something about seeing this throughout our childhoods has permanently implanted that the Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog relationship is considered standard.

Just describing the relationship that these two have with each other sounds like the grounds for divorce, from both sides of the issue.

Miss Piggy put on a lot of weight but thinks she’s hot shit. She’s smothering and controlling and gets whatever she wants with any dissent met with a grabbing of the collar and yanking along her sing-along boat trips. And every time that Kermit (or, Little Kermie, notice the patronized belittling) puts his foot down and says, “No,” she bursts into a crying fit and says that he doesn’t really love her.

Not only would this make any man insane, but this is in fact what drives men to killing their wives and throwing their bodies in the river. I’m not saying that it’s justified, nor do I think it’s the best way to solve a dispute, but I’m just saying that Miss Piggy is the root cause.

And Kermit’s not off the hook either. Thanks to his passive-aggressive nature, he makes it OK to haplessly nod along to his wife’s demands. There’s no passion or romance here, just, “Fine Piggy, Yes Piggy, Whatever you say Piggy,” because he doesn’t want a fight. But there’s no thrill in that for Miss Piggy. This is why women cheat on their husbands. They need to get some excitement in there.

We need to modify the felt role model relationships that we present children.

One comment

  1. July 28, 2009 at 5:11 pm

    Max,

    You just blew my mind here.

    Not to mention, the idea of marrying the “high school sweetheart” and starting such a relationship at a young age, not knowing any better. I’m sure they both could have found someone better fit to their personalities and needs for growth, but stayed together since Muppet Babies!

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