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2010	Jan 11 Angry Girls Are Like Mandarin Because The Inflection Gives the Same Words Different Meanings “ People knock Mandarin for being a tricky language because the emphasis on a certain syllable ...” The Indisputable Top Ten Movies of 2009 “ All those other top ten movies of 2009 lists, namely the Golden Globes and Oscars ...” 15 Shouldn't Jackie Chan Have English Down By Now? “ I just saw the preview for The Spy Next Door, which finally combines the movies ...” 18 Do Foreign Umbrella Salesmen in New York Always Yell At You Because They Don't Have a Word for Umbrella? “ Whenever it rains in New York, the street vendors come out in full force to ...” 20 Monumental Food Industry Books Have Motivated Me To Give Unhealthy Foods Really Dirty Looks “Motivated by a deep-seeded desire to appear smart and insightful, I recently read Fast Food ...” 22 Which Gym Is Right For Me? Flow Chart “// // ” 25 How Could Dominos Rescind Jersey Shore Advertising When Dominos is the Jersey Shore of Pizza? “ Jersey Shore had its season finale last week with the genuine bombshell leading to Sammi ...” 28 I'd Be A Great Basketball Player For 1952 “ I really wish I could play basketball, but it seems like the only options for ...”	Feb 01 Age Vs. Number of Noises Made While Sitting Down Graph 03 Whenever John Travolta Plays a Bad Guy He Looks Like a Tool Ad Executive in 1990 “ Why is it that every time John Travolta plays a bad guy, instead of looking ...” 08 I Hate When The Weather Girl's Giant Tits Block The Weekend Lows “ I know it sounds obnoxious to complain about the weather report in Los Angeles, mostly ...” 15 Toyota's NHL Sponsorship Conjures Images of Sliding Out of Control “ I went to an L.A. Kings game last week, which is always fun because it's ...” 16 Build-It-Yourself Horror Movie “ Since horror movies are down to such a cookie cutter formula, why can't you plug ...” Do You Think The Pairs Figure Skaters Plan Their Routine Beforehand or Just Wing It? “ I was watching those figure skaters during the Olympics and it really made me wonder ...” 18 Did Hollywood Stars Bet On Who Could Do The Worst Boston Accent? “Shutter Island opens today, which adds another to a long line of movies that for ...” 19 Which Infomercial Product Is Right For Me Flow Chart	Mar 01 No One Knows How To Count Down A Sports Clock Correctly “This has been a serious pet peeve of mine going on two decades now, and ...” 10 I Lose Fights With My Girlfriend For The Same Reason Unprepared Armies Lose Wars in New Terrain “Most military setbacks throughout history are caused by the favored Army being more prepared for ...”
2009	Feb 17 The Modern Jew “The Modern Jew has nothing to do with religion. You're pretty much an athiest, but ...” Iraq Timetable “I find it ironic that the people who are most adamant about a timetable for ...” The Word "Priceless" “I've always had a problem with the word Priceless. I don't feel it should be ...” L.A. Galaxy Games “I went to a Los Angeles Galaxy Major League Soccer game over the weekend, which ...” Old People, New Technology “It's been noted before that old people suck at new technology. I get frightening e-mails in response ...” Crossword Puzzle in the Arts Dilemma “I don't like that they put the Crossword Puzzle in the Arts section. Nothing against ...” Pub Quiz Profiling “Last week I went over to pub quiz with a couple people and fortunately got ...” Sports Histories “Whenever two teams are going to face off in the playoffs, the newspapers and broadcasters ...” Location Reporter “Everything going on with the election results in Zimbabwe makes me wonder about the picking ...” Kiss and Tell “I never kiss and tell. But I do fuck and brag.” Gang Options “I wonder if there are any high school kids on the opposite spectrum of the ...” 19 Fearful Mascots “I was thinking about the MLS team San Jose Earthquakes and the NHL Colorado Avalanche, ...” Water Polo “Surely water polo is the most inaccurately-named sport in existence. If the game wasn't in ...” 2 comments Blind Everest Climbers “I'm tired of hearing about the blind people who climbed Mt. Everest. First it was ...” 1 comments Milwaukee's Best Light Commercials “I wonder if those commercials for Milwaukee's Best Light are frightening to gay people. The ads ...” Don't Place Foreign Objects in Toilet “I flew from L.A. back home to New York yesterday (as a side note words ...” Study Abroad Soccer Fan “I was watching the Champions League Final in New York yesterday. There were a lot ...” 20 Post-Sex Hair “Masturbation is sex for people who don't want their hair messed up. What happens during sex ...” Wii's Japanese Translation “I was watching a baseball game with a Japanese hitter at the bat and the ...” Morning After Photo Album “What is it with girls wanting to show me completely random pictures at a very ...” Tooth Orgasm “Y'know when you haven't eaten in a while and then you bite into something ultra-sweet, ...” The Liberal Sexist “I think in some respects I've gotten so liberal on them that I've come out ...” Rain Tarp Strip Tease “I went to the Yankee game on Wednesday night and rain was expected. Get there a ...” Bus Internet Password Protection “I went down to D.C. last weekend, a city with permanent residents who are douche bag ...” More NY vs. LA “The way that people drive in Los Angeles is the way that people argue in ...” Inflation Solution “You know the economy is bad when even I can tell you information about it. ...” Homeless Chess Gurus “Does it ever strike you as odd that the game of chess is experiencing vibrant ...” Impartial Referees “I was watching the Champions League the other day, this big soccer tournament in Europe, ...” What Presents do Girls Like “My birthday recently passed and my girlfriend got me an awesome birthday present, and even ...” 27 Subway Book Race “Last night I was reading my book on the subway when the train pulled out ...” Corn-Powered Cars “Every time a tub of popcorn induces a number two of destructive proportions it fails ...”	Mar 06 Dream Girl “Do you ever wish that you could take the most appealing qualities from a variety ...” 24 Lunch-Motivated Employment “Have you ever taken a job, not because of the benefits package or salary, but ...” 26 Movie Theater in the Movie Theater “ I went to the movies yesterday, and for the first time, the characters in the ...” Dance Club Pickup “ It's not that white Jewish men don't dance. That would be a Semetic and cultural ...” Laser Beam Toilet Flusher “ I take my time when I'm on the toilet. Nothing excessive, just I get a ...” Not Funny T-Shirts “ If someone is wearing a T-shirt with a joke on it, it's usually an effective ...” 27 My Favorite Dance Song “ In my opinion, there's no question as to the best song of the decade. It's ...” First Date Feeling Like Audition? “ My friend was telling me that he doesn't like going on first dates because they ...” Grammatically Correct Arguments “ I've found that it's very difficult to be in fight with someone where you're yelling ...”	Apr 21 Dodgers Bleachers “ It seems like every year the left field bleachers at Dodger Stadium are increasingly turning ...” Non-Yankee Stadium Ushers “ I like going to ball parks at stadiums other than Yankee Stadium, because it would ...” Dream Integration “ The title of this post sounds like I've allowed black people into my dreams. I like ...” Already-Pressed Elevator Button “ I get way too infuriated when I'm waiting for an elevator with the up or ...” Homeless Shopping Cart Balancing “ Ever see a homeless guy who's so organized and efficient at collecting empty bottle and ...” 22 How Will I Need This in Life Answered “ I keep having the question, "How will I need this in life?" answered in really ...” Auto Repair Ripoffs “ I feel so unmanly every time I need to get my oil changed or do ...” Gay Sex Scenes in Subway Reading “ Ever read a book in a place where people can read over your shoulder, like ...” Why the French Are the Worst in Bed “ In my modest dating experience with girls from around the world, I've come to the ...” Sex and Ice Cream Cones “ I was eating an ice cream cone the other day when I realized the difference ...” Slave Labor Bureaucracy “ Being back in school I thought it would be a productive use of my time ...” Dog's Jewish Mother “ I moved into a new apartment a couple weeks ago and my roommate has this ...” People Talking About Marathons “ Ever have someone describe the details of the marathon or triathlon that they plan on ...” Don Mattingly is Eddie Murphy of the Yanks “ I haven't seen much of Don Mattingly in all these recent festivals about the new ...” Pitying My Identity Thieves “ One of the nice things about being a broke college student is that you don't ...” Jews and Extreme Sports “ I dislike it when people ask me about my extreme sport pursuits without recognizing the ...” Jewish New Year “ Early Fall is always a weird time of year because I get a lot of ...” 1 comments Good Time to Already be Broke “ In the wake of the economy collapsing, the subprime mortgage crisis pervading every aspect of ...” Dating in Los Angeles “ Ever see that kids movie Fievel Goes West about a rodent trying to cross America, ...” Second-Tier Disorders “ I can't understand why all diseases and addictions and vices are treated with the same ...” 23 Handicapped Line Cutting “ Although I support handicapped parking spaces and the requirement of commercial establishments to have handicapped ...” 1 comments No Convictions for Sex “ So I go on this date with a very religiously-observant Conservative girl, and I realized ...” Accidentally Lead Parade “ Ever try and cross a street, but your path manages to perfectly intersect a massive ...” KIA Luxury Ads “ I was watching 30 Rock on Hulu, which was sponsored by KIA, so you get ...” Silverlake Hipsters “ I hadn't been surrounded by hipsterdom in a while, so when I went to Silverlake ...” 1 comments Catching the Flu From Sex “ I recently slept with a girl. A few days later I came down with a ...” Economic Cutbacks “ So the economy is in the toilet and all my friends are losing their jobs ...” Why Europeans Like New York Jews “ I've had a lot of success with European women in the past. Not relegated to any ...” Agency Hotties “ I had to go drop off a package at Creative Artists Agency, but being the ...” 1 comments 18th Street Subway Station “ The problem with living in Morningside Heights has nothing to do with its distance from ...” Why Beckham Doesn't Want to Return to L.A. “ A couple years ago David Beckham signed up to the play for the L.A. Galaxy ...” 24 Value of Time, Night Vs. Morning “ It's incredible how much I find myself bargaining for a few extra minutes of sleep ...” Timing Relationships Around Holidays “ Have you ever tried to time the start or end of a relationship around holidays ...” 1 comments Transcontinental Railroad Body Hair “ Y'know how when they built the trans-continental railroad, one team started in Missouri and one ...” Being Pregnant is Like Growing a Beard “ I think most guys have gone through the bad facial hair choice phase of their ...” 27 Did John Connor Ask Kyle To Bang Mom in Terminator? “ I'm really excited for the new Terminator Salvation movie coming out soon, but it's made ...” 1 comments 28 Why I'm Not Worried About Swine Flu “ Everyone in Los Angeles is terrified about Swine Flu, which they really shouldn't be because ...” 30 Africa is the Clippers of Continents “ More aid is being sent to Africa, more U2 songs are being written and more ...”	May 01 Diary of Anne Frank Mad Libs “ I think I found the solution to getting kids to read boring, but historically important ...” 1 comments 04 Disappointed When Hot Women Are Lesbians “ I know I'm going to be very much alone in this plight, but in a ...” 05 You Shouldn't be a Supreme Court Judge If you Live in Souter's House “ Shouldn't there be some sort of rule against serving on the Nation's highest court if ...” 06 Why do Runners Get Assaulted? Shouldn't They Be Running, How Fit Are Rapists? “ This one will probably annoy a lot of people, but those are the ones that ...” 07 Boycott Terminator Salvation For Offensive Portrayal of Robots “ It might be The Rise of the Machines, but apparently this means it's also the ...” 08 Can't Watch Swedish Films Without Thinking of Swedish Chef From The Muppets “Jim Henson has inadvertently ruined all of Swedish culture. I recently tried watching Ingmar Bergman's ...” 11 Lax Safety Precautions On the Romulan Spaceship “ Something wasn't sitting right about the Star Trek movie all weekend, and I finally figured ...” 12 Rejected "This is SportsCenter" Advertisement “ INT. HOSPITAL DELIVERY ROOM - DAY Doctors and nurses are in a frantic rush to try ...” 13 Evolutionary Theory as to Why Women Are Better Than Men at Identifying Beauty in Their Own Sex “ Does anyone know if there's a theory that explains an evolutionary reasoning as to why ...” 4 comments 14 Where Does the Ankle-Length Denim Skirt Rank Amongst Bad Jewish Fashion? “ I think the ankle-length denim skirt has to be the worst fashion-religious compromise in the ...” 1 comments 15 Why Can't Your Taste in Art Suck? “ I wish that art, like fine arts, painting and sculpturing and other stuff that means ...” 20 Bad Memory is Like When Google Maps Doesn't Have the Image If You Zoom In Too Far “ I don't want to say I'm getting old or even older because people in their ...” 21 We Should Convert Closed Terrorist Detainee Camps Into Theme Parks “ There's a lot of controversy going on about whether Guantanamo should be closed. But it ...” 22 The "Which New Fall TV Show Will Be Canceled First" Betting Pool “ All the networks have announced their new Fall schedules. You can find the respective previews ...” 27 Why Tommy Smyth is the Best Commentator On TV “ I love whenever there's a big soccer match on ESPN, because the network busts out ...” 1 comments Soccer Bars in Los Angeles “Seems like there isn't a definitive guide on where to watch European soccer in L.A. ...” 3 comments 29 Bad Dates In New York Are Better Than Bad Dates in Los Angeles “ Dating in Los Angeles is miserable, not so much because of the rarity of a ...”	Jun 01 Rejected Endings to the "MLS Is..." Advertisements “ ...Not being put on the TV at the bar. ...Barely trailing the Junior World Curling Championships ...” 02 Other Possible "First" Supreme Court Nominees That Would Have Pissed Off Conservatives More “ First Grand Martial of the Gay Pride Parade First Taliban First ten-year-old First kitten First High Times Magazine French ...” 04 Muslim Audiences Look Like They're Mocking Movie Versions of Muslim Audiences “ Why is it that whenever the Muslim World gathers for a speech, conference or convention ...” 08 Is It Good For Movie Lovers When Films Like "Land of the Lost" Bomb? “ I wonder if the pleasure I take in the Land of the Lost bombing last ...” 10 Who - And in What Section - TV Producers Cut To When the NBA Finals Are in Orlando “Mickey and Minnie Mouse - Front-row court side Goofy - Preparing to jump on trampoline through ...” 11 Technology Has Killed the Intelligence of Caper Films “ Taking of the Pelham 1 2 3 opens tomorrow and it has the feel of ...” 1 comments 12 NBA Refs Are Still Nowhere Near As Inept As World Wrestling Entertainment Refs “ There are a lot of complaints over the quality of officiating in the NBA, but ...” 1 comments 15 Why Is It That Larry David Defies the Rule of Old People Not Being Funny? “ Caught the new Woody Allen movie, Whatever Works, yesterday. And Larry David completely saves it, ...” 17 Forget Republicans, It's a Bad Year to be an Evil Supervillain Trying to Take Over the World “ There's a lot of media attention given to the fact that Republicans are down, out ...” 24 U.S.A. Soccer Wins When They Have Height and Cold Weather Advantage “ Incredible game today, U.S. Soccer beat Spain 2-0 in the Confederations Cup semi-final. The play ...” 29 There Are Too Many 3rd World Issues To Pretend to Care About “ Something happened in Honduras today. I don't know what happened, but I know it involves ...”	Jul 01 If a Politician is Doing a Good Job, They Should be Able to Bang Whoever They Like “ If politicians spent their own money to have affairs and sex scandals - not tax ...” 06 Finding a Movie on TV You Really Want to Watch, but it's in Spanish “ I hate when you're flipping through the TV channels and come across a movie you ...” Guide to Outdoor Movies in Los Angeles “Please write a comment if you know of another outdoor movie in Los Angeles that ...” 3 comments 09 I'm Addicted to Delta's In-Flight Trivia “ Finally booked a flight to head back to New York in August. As much as ...” 14 Do Architects of Crappy Landmarks Dream That Their Structures Will be Destroyed in a Michael Bay Film? “ The pinnacle for an architect is no longer recognition and awards, but rather it's getting ...” 16 The Cheap Plot Device that Ruins Independence Day and The Hangover “ There's a little plot trick that the writer abuses used glaringly in Independence Day and ...” 2 comments 20 Are People More Prepared For the Death of Family Members if they Played The Oregon Trail as a Child? “ It is great to see that there is now an Oregon Trail iPhone app because ...” 1 comments 23 Under No Circumstances Can Hot Girls Define Themselves as Nerds “ Hot girls, or even mildly attractive ones for that matter, have zero right to call ...” 27 All Relationships Are Doomed Because We Watched Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog as Kids “ I think that the sole cause for the high divorce rate lies squarely on Jim ...” 1 comments 30 The Problem With Movies Is That They're Made by People Who Chose to Live in Los Angeles “ I wonder if it's possible that the reason there's such a dearth of original movies ...”	Aug 05 Funny People Underperformed and Studio 60 Canceled Because People Don't Want to See Comedians Being Serious “ I wonder if Funny People underperformed for the exact same reason that Studio 60 got ...” 10 Why Going to Dodger Games is Like Miranda's Dilema in the Sex and the City Movie “ Out of the 18-or-so stadiums I've had the chance to visit (that comes off more ...” 11 Euthanasia Could Solve Health Care, Social Security and the Dearth of Good Primetime Reality Shows “ It seems like every argument over abortion, health care, right-to-die and euthanasia always comes down ...” 25 The Best Thing About Not Driving Is You Don't Have to Listen to Kings of Leon “ Most advocates against driving say that by taking the bus, riding a bike or walking ...” 28 Film Talk - Milk	Sep 01 Fuck It, I Want to Brag For Once “ There's like one day every few months where toiling away like a douchey L.A. stereotype ...” 02 We Could Put Out The Forest Fire While Promoting Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs “ By looking at the sky in Los Angeles the last couple days, either the world ...” 03 Film Talk - The Pursuit of Happyness 04 My Mom is in a Movie Trailer “Check it out everyone. Very cool stuff. This is the new movie by Adam Goldberg ...” 10 Is Going Down On a Girl In the Shower The Same Feeling As Being Waterboarded? “ Everyone knows that sex in the shower is overrated as it is. Someone is always ...” 22 When John Travolta Plays a Bad Guy He Looks Like a 1990s Executive in a Midlife Crisis “ Why is it that every time John Travolta plays a bad guy, instead of looking ...” 1 comments 29 The Entire Purpose of the Valley Is For Hidden Camera MTV Shows. And That's Why We Need It “ When I moved to L.A., I wasn't sure why the San Fernando Valley existed. I ...” 1 comments 30 What's The Right Amount of Sadness For a Disaster on An Unincorporated American Territory? “ The tsunami that hit American Samoa a couple days ago has been very traumatic. It's ...” 1 comments	Oct 01 Awkward Moment At Work “The Meisner acting kicks in after a few seconds. Watch it on YouTube here: http://tr.im/AnDX ” 02 What Does The Discovery of Ardipithecus Ramidus Mean For Encino Man 2? “ Is it possible that the discovery of the "missing link," Ardipithecus Ramidus, could finally rescue ...” 06 Film Talk - Couples Retreat (Episode 1 of 12) “ Next week's episode: Where The Wild Things Are” 09 Sad Facebook Thread 13 Film Talk - Where The Wild Things Are (Episode 2 of 12) “ Next week's episode: Amelia” 19 I Want to Watch The Rest of Season One of Adventures of Falcon Heene “ Everyone is upset over the Heene family pulling off the hoax that got us on ...” 20 Film Talk - Amelia (episode 3 of 12) “ Next week: Saw VI” 27 Film Talk - Saw VI (episode 4 of 12) “ Next week's episode: A Christmas Carol” 29 The Droid Phone Looks Cool, But When Will We Get the CompuServe Phone? “ Where's the advanced, new media, web 2.0, integrated social platforming cell phone for those of ...”	Nov 03 Film Talk - A Christmas Carol (episode 5 of 12) “ Next week: 2012” 04 Can We Use Bailout Money To Help Howie Long Make Manly Chevy Commercials Again? “ I wonder if Howie Long hates having to wear sweater vests to sell Chevys to ...” 09 Internet Startup Fail 10 Film Talk - 2012 (episode 6 of 12) “ Next week's movie: Twilight New Moon” 17 Film Talk - Twilight: New Moon (episode 7 of 12) “ Next week's movie: The Road” 18 Going Rogue: Children's Edition “Once upon a time there was a mayor in a very cold state. She liked hockey ...” 21 New U.S. Soccer Team Jersey Leaked And White Still Isn't An Intimidating Color “The new U.S. Soccer jerseys for the 2010 World Cup today were leaked this week. ...” 1 comments 23 Runner-Ups for President of the European Union “Finland: Ludvig Borga Poland: Polish Joke Book France: Pepe Le Pew United Kingdom: Susan Boyle Republic of Ireland: The ...” 24 Film Talk - The Road (episode 8 of 12) “ Next week's movie: Up in the Air”	Dec 01 Film Talk - Up In The Air (episode 9 of 12) “ Next week's movie: Invictus” 03 Articles Will be Syndicated on Ego TV “Hey, so a little bit of good news today. All my articles will keep appearing ...” Six More Unreleased Marilyn Monroe Viral Videos “You can also read this article at Ego TV. Marilyn Monroe Keyboard Cats the Zapruger Film In ...” 04 "Brothers" Is About Spider-Man Joining the Army “ I saw the trailer for Spider-Man 4, which is going by the name Brothers, opening ...” 11 New Features on Microsoft Office 2010 “ Personalized file-format that allows Word files you create to only work on your computer. Auto-crash mode ...” Last Episode of Film Talk - Invictus “ Thanks for watching everyone. Follow Kate Sargeant on Facebook and Twitter for info on her ...” 15 Is Anyone Else Turned On By the Lady Chipmunks in the Alvin and The Chipmunks Squekquel Trailer? “I don't want this to get too pervy, but surely I can't be the only ...” 30 Why I Pity The Older Girls I Date “ It should definitely be noted that people other than myself express pity for the girls ...”