More aid is being sent to Africa, more U2 songs are being written and more kids are being whisked away by Pitt-Jolie Ltd., yet the continent still can’t get on stable footing. It’s made me wonder if Africa – the entire Continent – is the Los Angeles Clippers of land masses. Year after year, Africa [...]
Archive for April, 2009
Why I'm Not Worried About Swine Flu
April 28th, 2009
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Everyone in Los Angeles is terrified about Swine Flu, which they really shouldn’t be because no one in Los Angeles ever interacts with other people. Your average Los Angelino is face-to-face with an average of two real people per month (made-up stat), and it tends not to be the person who gets Swine Flu. But [...]
Did John Connor Ask Kyle To Bang Mom in Terminator?
April 27th, 2009
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I’m really excited for the new Terminator Salvation movie coming out soon, but it’s made me think of some of the weird time-travel logistics that will interfere with the original Terminator. The biggest and most obvious conflict seems like it has to be that John Connor is going to send his friend back in time [...]
Being Pregnant is Like Growing a Beard
April 24th, 2009
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I think most guys have gone through the bad facial hair choice phase of their lives. Out of curiosity for how it looks, we, at one point, grew a beard or goatee or moustache or mutton chops. We do it because we can. It’s something our bodies can do, and we want to try it [...]
Transcontinental Railroad Body Hair
April 24th, 2009
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Y’know how when they built the trans-continental railroad, one team started in Missouri and one team started in San Francisco and they raised to see who could get to the middle first? I feel like that’s what my chest hair is doing. At the top is the Eastern team with a relatively flat and downhill [...]
Timing Relationships Around Holidays
April 24th, 2009
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Have you ever tried to time the start or end of a relationship around holidays which would otherwise require you to spend money? It’s a really fine line to walk, if you start dating someone two-weeks or a month before Valentine’s Day or a birthday. You don’t want to have to blow a lot of [...]
Value of Time, Night Vs. Morning
April 24th, 2009
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It’s incredible how much I find myself bargaining for a few extra minutes of sleep every morning, when the concept of time seems absolutely worthless every night. If my alarm clock had such a setting, I think I would easily throw on a three-minute snooze button, because of that negotiating committee that enters my head [...]
Why Beckham Doesn't Want to Return to L.A.
April 23rd, 2009
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A couple years ago David Beckham signed up to the play for the L.A. Galaxy MLS team with the promise of making soccer matter in America, which was sort of like if Tony Blair had joined Air America radio to make that matter as well. Two months ago, the Galaxy loaned him to an Italian [...]
18th Street Subway Station
April 23rd, 2009
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The problem with living in Morningside Heights has nothing to do with its distance from lower Manhattan. I have no problem with waiting for the late-night 1 train, the time it takes to get uptown isn’t a problem and the neighborhood is one of the best in the city. But it seems like my patience [...]
Agency Hotties
April 23rd, 2009
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I had to go drop off a package at Creative Artists Agency, but being the lowly intern I am, they directed me to depths hundreds of feet underground into the receiving docks. But here’s what’s great about Los Angeles, California. I was on level D of the mail room basement and there were still hot [...]
